Battling with mental health and thought processing.. Update.... My life through the lens

,,, pour me another drink

That's the real truth

The devil makes work for idle hands (my mum was right, I get depressed when doing nothing, stay busy and you have no time to get depressed or ask yourself if you are.. this don't refer to all but most. )

And boy did he no what he was talking about

Stay positive which equals busy which must be constructive.

Life would be more regular. We need routine, and routine helps us understand and become familiar with things so we don't feel threatened and unsure about what's around the corner as that feeling of unsureity makes us unable to plan ahead this way we can't be sure of what's Comming, and everything we do comes better with thought or planning alike practise, and we do things better with practise and if we don't no what's around the corner or Comming then we can't plan or practise or be able to conquer the situations that lie ahead.

The unknown can be scarey and unpredictable.

Better the devil we no

These sayings have history of truth and never get old or out of date, but there here to stay and carry much meanings, all which throughout my life I can safely say they are words from a very knowledgeable source and we must hold these words in our decision-making yand feel blessed to use them in our thought process, and our ego must allow them to rest within our soul.

The biggest thought that mental health brings us..

I wish i was dead, the biggest cop out thought known to man/woman.

But that's a self pity and an easy way out leaving our loved ones suffering giving no one but our self a thought.

There's so many things we could accomplish and do rather than run away like a coward. If we was to do this we're just punishing our people not ourself.

Ied personally prefer to kill someone else that's a danger to society like a suicide bomber lol. But that's another stupid thought of mine maybe as I have to much time on my hands, normally these feelings are here because we have been spoilt and to looked after and am to lazy to wipe our own arse.

Anyway life has changed soo much and ilm

8qqqq1till going no wherè fast.not not attendnģ important appointments.

Feb 2nd

Anyway if things aint bin bad enough. Today a persòn who i did like and have had a mutual respect for decided that they would do me wrong bla bla bla, ive saved you the stuff that occured and deleted the detailz as ied like to not be reminded, but yeh when your feeling weak and vulnerble people will atfack you as you become a target, a meal in tbe jungle that you have been misled to believe is somewhere you feel safe,

my heart is hurting so much so i dont care i no who i am and karma is real, so be prepared for the ride

Pour me....another drink plreaze i havent cried coz i cant be bothered im numb from all the heartache thst ive been through i can not believe these things are happening to me i had a family and a good life its a big change and ive changed

Things happen to make you change direction in life and i better take note. I live at the moment with my friend colin he gives me a home and normality. And what can i give...nothing

i want to buy him a camper van ..coz he wants one and if it kills me i will get it for him..case closed

I would never kill myself coz i aint got the courage, and ive got plans, so watch this space i have deleted a few things as i would prefer to erase them from my mind..nothing major, just life experiences, i just have to try make the suffering from them either fun. Lol....or LEARN FROM THEM , that makes more sense, so ill keep learning, I thought learning was ment to be fun.

Wednesday 15th feb 2023

Sometimes i read back my blogg and think what an idiot i is....

Wearing your heart on your sleeve aint always a good idea as usually its just jibba jabba rotating nonsense emotional mind altering feelings and when your not a feet firm on thr ground person and you read back your last lot of input that was spilling out your mouth uncontrollably, whilst at the time it felt right to expose and now reading back you feel naked and vulnerable and heart on your sleeve sort of feeling,

Also Could lead to feeling to much useless information has leaked and may taint your image as a weak looser whilist really your so confident who you are that you need to put it out there to be veiwed as you and not exaggerate your life on how you want to be seen. I am me, im not perfect but not far off....lol

Well here we are again,

I was wondering if any one other than me has thought about deep things like

1.What does a blind from birth person dream about?

2.What happens when we die?

Well i do no that a chemical releases from our body that we can release ourselves and experience the passover with a certain drug people fly and see aliens

3. How can we become psychic?

Communicating high frequencys l. Like radio waves

Well again today everything has fallen into place like magic, only within reason...nothing life changing.

2nd time i been sanctioned, Money dont last longer than 2 hours anyway I have an expensive lifestyle, and manage to maintain it...jusss

JANUARY 19th 2023

Anyway

I don't no why I let things bother me and make excuses for other peoples  behavior,  My mum used to say why do I try like beg friend lol coz there not worth it, But being accepted was a stupid issue that I now look back and cringe at the thought of making excuses for nasty usein bad mind pawns on the chess board that they were in my eyes .

As I never saw when they did theif or rip me off and it being obvious they  did, ied then try work out why they did this to me, 

I would take the anger and hurt away by overthinking like go into their upbringing and make Giant reasons or excuses for what they done... All this to justify their actions or to stop me feeling like an idiot. Whatever the reason I needed to harden up and be bit heartless which I struggle with. 

I wish I had a friend in southend I have few boy friends.. not like that . Just friends I find faults with everyone...And as for anyone else 

Ied hate to live with me, I thought about this, im hard work I no but loyal and honest and won't change that that is my everything all I have to offer and its worth more than money   you cant buy this trait I feel blessed

I have met many frogs, millionaires and all... But not one loyal honest person that I wanna marry🤔 

I love motivational clips they do sink in your sponge brain... Try not to clog it with social network news or bad stories or negativity as this shapes your hopes and dreams and narrows the possibilities of being successful as that begins with having positivity, good intuition, ... Always research everything that way you can't go wrong and you inherit skills and knowledge needed for the idea. HB

1. Thoughts.ideas..

2. Transport . Flight

3. Action. Materialize  

    putting your thoughts into ideas.      Like tidy up your thoughts, then      materialize your thoughts into          motion and make them happen..

All starts with a lightbulb moment..

Thoughts are putting the magic in motion.